Well well.......Surfie Boy is off doing his tree hugging, whale loving, peace and hey man stuff again and I have cracked his blog. I'm Milo Minderbinder an opportunist and fearless part time reporter, part time Industrialist, part time sports critic and part time purveyor of fruit and vegetables.
So........the above picture is the basis of the story I am bringing you while surfie boy flaps around like a wounded seagull choking on a chip.
Despite my many talents it is my ability to talk to and understand animals which is probably the one that baffles science the most. Now you will be a beneficiary of this talent as I report on the Turtles.
Earlier this morning I went to the above location to see what this turtle nesting was all about, hoping to view the natural way turtles "nest". Well let me tell you they were not nesting but doing the the thing that produces little turtles!
The story begins:
As I rounded the sand dunes in my safari gear and David Attenburgh voice I was shocked to see a huge number of turtles in all stages of.....well....how can I put this?......um ah......rumpy pumpy. Trying not to be conspicuous I decided to just walk past in a casual manner and maybe get an interview with those that had quite obviously finished their attempts to keep the turtle population healthy.
The first couple I was lucky enough to see were in a strange state. Here quite obviously was the female turtle on its back reading the newspaper while the male was sort of on top of her.
I approached:
"hello there sorry to disturb you but I can't help but notice you are reading the paper and saying something like - go big boy?"
Female turtle:
"Hey Pal don't worry I made a mistake.......when we started this, it was the 15th may and I said to Reg I want this to last so go slow. I've been reading this paper which you will notice is dated the 15th May ever since! You wouldn't have a paper on you by any chance?
This was surely a case of the turtle wishing it was a hare.
As I left these two, I strolled further into the dune and saw two turtles with smiles on their faces and smoking a cigarette and felt confident that I was not disturbing any intimate moment.
I approached:
"You two look pleased with the world and very satisfied with things. Nice day isn't it?"
Male turtle:
"Sure am my good man we just finished our clashing of shells and am now laying back in the glow"
At this I became curious as to how long ago they had finished their baby making.
"So if its not a rude question, how long ago did you finish as time lines are important in my research"
Male turtle:
"3 months ago"
Quite plainly turtles have a very slow life.
I moved on thinking how good it would be to have life move so slowly. Then to my horror, behind a dip in the sand and in the shade of a coastal bush were THREE turtles in all state of shell clashing!!! When I looked at their eyes I could see they were quite high on ecstacy, cocaine and alcohol.
Why oh why does this have to happen in nature I thought. Then, as I was recovering from this site of blatant drug fuelled lust there in front of me was the answer.
Yep, a turtle nightclub hidden between a dead seagull and a piece of driftwood. Boldly displaying its signage "The sand dune Viper room - turtles welcome".
(surfie boy would be shocked to know that turtles are so loose)
I was enthralled by my trek into the world of turtles but to be honest, I was getting freaked out by these little bastards. That was until I saw two normal looking turtles nervously sitting there romantically overlooking the sea from a sand dune vantage point.
I approached:
" Hello, you two look happy but jeez you are a bit jittery, whats your story?"
Female turtle:
"Oh we are just sitting here talking about our upcoming marriage"
Male turtle:
" yes and we are quite put off by all this shell clashing going on because some of them are not married and we don't believe in shell clashing before marriage"
I asked:
" So where are you planning your honeymoon?"
Both turtles:
"Turtle island off fiji"
I asked:
"Are you swimming all the way there!"
Both turtles: ( both taking a big breathe and looking at me as though I was a complete idiot)
" We are flying Virgin"
Ooops.
I decided that was enough and began my stroll back to the car.
As I was just about of the dunes I saw a turtle entering a cracked old looking shell and only about 5 metres from this was what looked like a crisp clean strong looking turtle shell completely empty.
I approached:
"Hello there a bit of work getting into that shell isn't it? But are you aware there is a good one just over there (pointing to the location)
turtle:
"yeah that used to be mine but now I'm just a shell of my former self"
Thats it, i'm outa here!!
Words that provoke thought
Turtle soup anyone?
Milo Minderbinder (Thanks to "Catch 22 " for the use of the name)
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